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Tips to Inner Well Being – No.2 Being Yourself

Oscar Wilde said ‘Be yourself. Everyone else is taken’. It’s great advice when you already know who you are. So many people spend valuable time seeking perfection.  Today’s tip is looking at being yourself.

Perfection belongs to all the parts of you that are missing. It’s belongs to the eye of the beholder. That vision is warped. Being yourself means losing that vision.

Today I spent around 3 hours in Accident and Emergency with my 10 year old Grandson. Luckily it turned out to be nothing major. Sitting waiting to be called the TV was tuned in to the Jeremy Kyle show.

It’s not something I’ve watched before and I got hooked in. Fascinated by the display of emotions laid bare, I was also horrified at what was happening.

One lady was looking to have her grandchildren’s DNA verified. The line up included the childrens parents, plus the other grandmother with Jeremy Kyle asking them all loaded questions which helped rack up the tension. It was horrible.

The DNA proved to be the first lady’s son and their 5 minutes of infamy was over. Unfortunately the ramifications could be devastating for both families.

The lady looking for proof wasn’t being herself. She had read some gossip on Facebook, questioned all but the parents concerned, and finally jumped to the wrong conclusion. She didn’t trust her own instincts and took giant steps to prove her point.

How easy it is to follow rather than lead. Following means that you can never be yourself because somebody elses view or idea is so much better than your own. It’s looking outside of yourself for the answers to living your best life.

Of course there will always be areas where looking for answers outside of yourself is the right thing to do. Not many people are walking encyclopaedias are they! But looking outside of yourself for answers that affect your judgement can and will cause immense pain.

On the other hand, being willing to evaluate what you hear from others using your own inner knowledge can and will be liberating. Leading yourself from the inside out.

You won’t always get it right from another persons perspective, but it will always be right for you. That’s because it comes from that place inside that stores your Inner Wisdom. The Inner Wisdom that belongs to you and you alone.

It’s part of the wonderful unique person you are. It knows you better than you know yourself and it will always be true to you. Being yourself means opening yourself to that Inner Wisdom and trusting what it delivers.

It’s not easy to access when you are in a low frame of mind. Simply because in a low frame of mind it’s harder to think clearly isn’t it? Decide never to make decisions when in a low frame of mind knowing that when you flow into a higher frame of mind, and you will, the answers will present themselves.

Sounds hard but that’s only because it feels different. Trust me it get’s easier with practice.

The key to being yourself is to step back when you find yourself in a dark place. Do your best to live through it without making major decisions. Tell yourself you’re still thinking about what to do for the best.

When your mood feels lighter and the end of the tunnel is in sight, wait until the answers that come feel like the right answers. As always, be guided by what your body is telling you. Remember the truth will always feel lighter.

So what if parts of you appear to be missing? Finding them within yourself is the key to knowing and being yourself. A beautiful human being who is 100% unique.

Tips to Inner Well Being – No. 1 Letting Go

Today’s post is the first in a series of tips aimed at growing your Inner Well Being. Letting go is a good place to start, but what do I mean by ‘letting go’?

Take the time to walk around your home and really notice everything. You may only live in one room, but the chances are that the possessions that surround you belong to you.

You may not have bought them yourself. Over time they have been accumulated, many on show, many hidden in cupboards or drawers. They all have one thing in common. They belong to you.

As I sit here in my office, I’m looking at everything that lives in my room. It’s full of books that have served me well over the years. Crystals, Buddhas, vases, ornaments, a vision board. More books and of course, the tools of my trade that I use everyday such as the PC, printer, spare paper, ink etc.

And I haven’t even opened the cupboards or drawers. This room holds tangible memories of the last 10 years. It’s the living museum of Jan Marchant.

I can guarantee that the other rooms of my home hold tangible memories of times past. How about yours?

Here’s the thing. Today I am taking the time to look around and see what’s there. Most days I don’t even notice those books, or ornaments that once meant so much to me.

New treasures sit at the front because the memories are fresher. My latest treasure is a glass paperweight (see picture) brought back after a great weekend with friends.

And yet, my Inner Well Being is crying out for clarity. It’s asking me to sort through my treasures and pass them on. Maybe to friends, maybe to charity. There’s always someone who can benefit.

But this tip isn’t just about decluttering stuff. It’s much deeper than that.

Just as we store our treasures of times past, we store our memories as well. They get buried in our subconscious mind, burrowing deeper and deeper as newer events push them down.

If the memories are good then no harm is done. But quite often memories are reminders of all the times that we didn’t feel good enough, or confident enough, or unhappy or hurt. The list is endless as they bury themselves, looking for a safe place to hide.

We carry on little knowing their radar is permanently on, sending reminders back when new situations threaten their safety. Those memories can also be dealt with by letting go.

Remember the truth will always make you feel lighter. A lie will always make you feel heavier. You can use this information to declutter your mind.

When thoughts pop into your head, ask yourself ‘does this make me feel lighter or does it make me feel heavier?’ If lighter, you know that you are heading in the right direction, moving towards Inner Well Being.

If it makes you feel heavier ask yourself ‘where did this come from?’ and ask to return it to that place, with consciousness attached. This enables it to be released and it will also leave your subconscious mind. Magic.

Letting go is essential to Inner Well Being. The more you let go of, the lighter you become. Try it for at least one week and keep a record of your progress.

Now take the same principle to your belongings. Hold an object in your hand and ask the same questions. Anything that feels heavy (and we’re not talking weight here!) put it in a box, ready to give away.

What about people? Think about someone. How do you feel? Ask where the feeling came from rather than the person. Use the same method to release the bad memories of them – you won’t lose any good feelings you have about them.

The lighter your possessions, the lighter your feelings, the lighter your Inner Well Being. Don’t just take my word. Try it and discover the magic for yourself.

Please play this song for me

Sitting there listening to a song chosen by Ntathu (http://yogainspires NULL.co NULL.uk/) brought back happy memories of a friend’s funeral.  Yes it was sad saying goodbye to a dear friend taken far too soon, but because Malcolm was the one of the best, he made sure we remembered him with a smile in out hearts.

It also helped us remember the good times that we’d all shared with him at one time or another.  Always laughing, the one that sticks in my mind was when he’d just filled his plate with food. Turning to walk away someone asked him the time.  He turned his wrist and there he stood, wearing his food on the outside rather than inside.

And then he started to laugh, followed by me, followed by someone else and so on.  Before we knew it we were all laughing.  Maybe you had to be there.

Losing family and friends is so hard.  My sister was another of the best.  She lived with cancer for the last 11 years, but you’d never have guessed.  At her funeral they played REM’s Everybody Hurts, which was so depressing that even today 11 years later it stills brings me down when I hear it.

Nobody thought to ask if she had a favourite song, but I’m betting Ntathu’s ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ (http://www NULL.youtube NULL.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yHFDa9efCQU) would have been high on the list.

Music can be such a powerful force over your feelings.  It can raise you up and just as easily pull you down.  It can caress you as well as repulse you.  It simply gets under your skin as you listen, spellbound.

Playing music that you love, that gives you a natural high has to be considered when looking to raise your Inner Well Being.  Simply sitting and let it wash over you can work miracles.  But not if you choose tunes that you feel match your mood when you’re down.  That will take you even lower!

I don’t know about you, but when I go, I’d rather leave happy, even quirky memories, so here’s a few of my favourites.

I’m very fond of Jay McShann’s ‘Just a Lucky So and So’, to remind everyone of how great life is.  This would be my first choice. Boo hoo, I couldn’t find it on Youtube.  I did find a wonderful version by Dianne Reeves – enoy!

I also like Dionne Warwicks ‘That’s What Friends Are For’ and the message that I’m still around.

It might be a little over the top – but hey it’s my funeral

Lastly, I love Macy Grey’s ‘The Letter’ because it’s a little bit wacky and well, just because I love it.

Three songs just for starters.  What would you like to be remembered by?

A bitter sin to swallow

Did you know that in some places there used to be a culture of ‘sin eaters’?  By ritual means, the ‘sin eater’ would take on the sins of a person near death, thus absolving their soul and enabling them to die in peace.

When I started Life Coaching, I was lucky enough to be part of a new Healthy Living venue in my village.  Although I started out by offering Reiki treatments or Indian Head massages, I eventually coached the vulnerable people that came through the door.

It was an amazing chapter in my coaching history.  I found that there is a massive gap in finding the right help.  A lot of people fall through that gap.

Not confident enough for true Life Coaching, but having had some counselling, they still had a mountain or two to climb.

I filled quite a few gaps, and although Emotional Trauma Coaching is a step to scary for many, nevertheless I had found my niche.

Here’s the thing.  Some of those clients were full of bitterness at the hand life was throwing them.

This in turn, led to unhappiness, shaped by feelings of being eaten up with what had brought them to me.

I can honestly say that every single one of them flourished with the support and lifeline that coaching can provide.

It’s not for everyone, but when it works it works well.

Fast forward to the next stage of my life.  The Healthy Living Centre had been funded by the Big Lottery Fund.  Our local Primary Care Trust was part of it and gradually they developed their own Healthy Living Advisors who had government targets to meet.  Not for me, I decided.

Off I went on a long planned trip to New Zealand.  I was enjoying a fabulous time.  Then about 5 weeks into the trip I had my first debilitating bout of heartburn.  Hours later, it eventually passed and I carried on without a second thought.

The heartburn returned now and again, but never bad enough to do anything about it.  Self medication worked and anyway it was more inconvenient than life threatening.

Eventually I had a massive attack that had me knocked out for 3 days.  I lost half a stone and joked it was the best pre Christmas diet ever!

A trip to the doctor who thought gallstones night be the culprits.

Many careful meals later I was at a lunch with my fabulous group of friends the Love to Meet Lunch Club (https://sites NULL.google NULL.com/site/lovetomeetlunchclub/).

Talking to Miranda (http://sites NULL.google NULL.com/site/mirandalindenwelton/home) and explaining why I was only having soup she said, ‘You know that gallstones are related to bitterness don’t you?’

‘Yes’ I replied, being a big fan of Louise Hay (http://www NULL.louisehay NULL.com/), ‘Thing is, I’ve worked on all that kind of stuff over the years and I really don’t feel any bitterness about anything.  Maybe I’ve still got work to do!’

‘Try the Bach Flower (http://www NULL.crystalherbs,com)remedy Cherry Plum for 3 weeks’ was her advice.

I had nothing but bland food to lose, so I ordered a mixture which included the Cherry Plum, plus a few more that I thought I’d add to to the mix.

Now I’m not suggesting for one minute that it works for everyone, but for me it’s been a revelation.  I’m back to my old self at long last.

This got me thinking.

Over the years, I’ve listened and made suggestions to my clients.   Helping them to move through every kind of bitterness that they carried within them.

I’m wondering if, inadvertedly I’d became a modern day ‘sin eater’.  As they lost their bitterness I was unknowingly taking it on myself.

So, as well as the Bach Flower remedy, I also did some work on returning any bitterness I may have taken on, sending it back to it’s point of origin whilst uncreating and destroying it.

Once I felt a lightness of being again, I knew that the bitterness was dissolved.

Modern day ‘sin eaters’ – it really is food for thought isn’t it.

photo credit: Bow’s Photography (http://www NULL.flickr NULL.com/photos/bowow/5186713817/) via photopin (http://photopin NULL.com)

Inspirational Insights

‘Lightness of being cannot survive without your help’ – Jan Marchant

Have you ever held a feather in the palm of your hand, gently blown on it and watched it soar, dancing in the breeze before it slowly spiraled down to earth again?

And then you picked it up and did all over again for the sheer joy of it.

But if you hadn’t blown on it in the first place, it would have lain dormant. It couldn’t dance without your help.

The same assistance is needed by your inner well being. You see, it’s always there, deep inside of you – it’s just waiting to be called out into the open.

Lightness of being asks one thing. It asks you to check in with your feelings.

If you feel heavy, then whatever you are doing or planning is not the right way for you.

But if your heart sings, then all the signs are pointing you in the right direction. Does it get any easier than this?

Time to soar, dance in the breeze and live a lightness of being that is the centre of your well being ………… wow, wow, wow.

Want more Inspirational Insights to assist you to grow your inner well being?  Just enter your name and email address in the box to you right to receive you own weekly Insights – enjoy x

photo credit: ®DS (http://www NULL.flickr NULL.com/photos/roberts87/2646193801/) via photopin (http://photopin NULL.com)

Sand, Sea & Ice

‘What happen’s if the weather gets any worse?’ I asked Roy as we were making plans to visit Walberswick in Suffork.  ‘There’s a lot of snow forecast.’

‘No problem’ he replied, ‘As long as the roads are OK we’ll still go’.

Coming off the phone I turned to Tony ‘Can’t see it happening but apparently we’re going Tuesday, snow or no snow.’

Truthfully, I didn’t want it to happen – well not until later in the year.  A couple of years ago I fell over on the ice and injured myself.  Since then I don’t do going out in ice and snow.

I was petrified at the thought that, if I so much shook a toe at the ice, it would bite me.  Memories of the pain came flooding back as I imagained it happening all over again.  No way I could let anyone know though.  No I’d just have to argue my case for staying home.

Home, where I’d be safe, until it all melts away.

Funny enough, I have no qualms watching Tony get ready and go out for papers, milk, bread or anything else that’s needed.

How easy it is to justify my cowardice as he trudges up the road once again.

The closer it got to setting off, the more apprehension I felt.  My stomach churned and my throat tightened with fear.  Butterflies inside doing cartwheels seemed to be the least of it!

Sunday I woke to a winter wonderland of pure, crisp snow and it was beautiful.  Monday, it was still there, with only the gritted roads showing any signs of movement.

Tuesday, no change.  Bag packed, layers of clothes on, Roy and Yvonne arrived and we set off.

Chatting and catching up I looked up and noticed that we had reached the A12.  We were well on our way to our first stop, Dedham and lunch.

The Boathouse (http://dedhamboathouse NULL.co NULL.uk/) asked if we had booked a table and I thought ‘Is he mad?  Who else is going to venture out in this weather if they don’t have to.’

But the sun was shining on the white landscape and it was stunning.  The restaurant slowly filled up and I realised that I was wrong.  It was only me who had a problem with getting on with life despite the icy weather.

The rest of the trip was magical.  We had so much fun I didn’t want it to stop.  And yes, there was a lot of walking on snowy paths or icy surfaces.  A couple of times my boots slid on the ice and my heart stopped as I froze, but I came through it unscathed.

It took a planned trip with friends, that I did not want to miss, make me wake up, do it and feel the fear regardless.

It makes me wonder what other blankets I’m hiding under.  I probably won’t know until something happens that makes me wake up.

What I do know is, that come what may I’m willing to face that fear and move past it.  My happiness and well being depend on that willingness so it’s a no brainer really.

If you want to read more about the trip, take a look at my other blog www.sparkles4life.com (http://www NULL.sparkles4life NULL.com) – it’s where I share other bits and pieces that you might enjoy.

Totally dependent beings

Many years ago, when I held my daughter in my arms for the first time, I felt a surge of love overwhelm me.  Besotted, I connected to this tiny human being who had landed in my world.

Today she is full grown and living her own exciting adventures, but it was as I looked into my granddaughters all knowing eyes, that I realised for the first time, just how helpless we arrive.

We’re all born as totally dependant beings, looking to be fed and watered, bathed and dressed, as well as protected against the harsher elements life.

We learn all sorts of things as we make our way to adulthood – walking, talking, the numerous ‘how to’s’ and just about anything that requires how to do it for ourselves.

Like the longest version of ‘Simon Says’, we also pick up bad habits, belief systems and how not to think for ourselves.

Does anyone else see the irony that was created here?

For as sure as eggs are eggs, once we reach adulthood we spend the rest of our lives l(y)earning to be ourselves.  The person who exists under the layers that have been grown for us.

You see, when we look for the guidance from others, that was so useful on our way to being ‘grown-up’, we are looking outside of ourselves.

There’s nothing wrong with advice, well intentioned help and listening to others experiences.  Most of the time it’s just what we need to help us find a way through the stuff that life has a habit of throwing our way.

But it’s always help that’s coming from outside-in, rather than inside-out.

Often, when there’s stuff going on, it’s easy to slip into a low quality of mind.  A very dangerous place to look for answers.

It’s impossible to think clearly when the brain is going round in circles, looking for the best outcome.  And although others well meaning suggestions sound just the ticket, take a big step back.

Jot down those suggestions for consideration later on.  Develop a willingness to wait until the mind settles into a higher quality of mind – and it always does.  This will give a different slant to what’s going on.

Most of us see-saw between the two states of mind, high or low, with gradients in between.  The higher our state of mind, the better we can access our inner wisdom.  This has to help to apply the brakes when heading towards a tumble into insecurity and mistrust of our own decisions, doesn’t it?

Inside each and every one of us, we have access to the clarity of our inner well-being.

Now’s the time to look at those suggestions and see if they are the right solutions for us.  The best way to ‘know’ is to listen to our feelings.

If it feels right, then we will always feel lighter.  If it’s not for us, then we will feel heavier.  This barometer is never wrong.

As Michael Neill (http://www NULL.supercoach NULL.com/) Supercoach,so eloquently puts it ‘it’s the difference between chasing after the whims and desires of the personality and being guided by the inspiration of the soul.’

I know what I prefer as I enjoy time well spent with my grandchildren.

Dragonflies

I have a thing about dragonflies.  When I first set up my business, the art for my stationary as well as my coaching website had some form of dragonfly on it.

I have to admit to owning quite a few dragonflies too.

I’m also a Reiki Master, so of course any certificates that I hand out to newly qualified Reiki trainees also have dragonflies on them (see pics).

I guess you’re getting the picture by now.  I didn’t really think about why I love them so much, until I was asked by a graphics designer ‘what is it about Dragonflies than means you want them to be part of what you’re sharing with the world?’

Phew.  Good, long question that had me thinking.

This is what I told him.

There are three stages to the development of a dragonfly cycle, being the egg, the nymph, and the adult dragonfly.

The egg is simply the beginning.  It’s the start of a new life that has been gently deposited in the first available plant, or, the next best thing straight into water.  Doesn’t matter where, that new life has been given the chance to grow.

Next comes the Dragonfly Nymph stage which is very much the ugly stage.  Nymphs resemble horrible little bugs, that quite frankly you’d probably squash if it came anywhere near you.

Lucky for Nymphs, this stage of their life is under water.  Ponds, marshy bogs or streams is where they hide.  Ugly little creatures, learning and growing for about 4 years until finally they emerge.

The adult Dragonfly fights it way to the top, spreads it’s wings for the first time and it’s off.  To dart from place to place, wings glistening, whilst the stunning colours of it’s body are revealed to the world in all their glory.

It’s that 4 year fight for survival that interests me.  Living under water, hiding from predators who would eat them soon as look at them, learning how to break free from the confinements of whichever waterway contains them.

Finally, they reach the ceiling of the pond.  One last push and their through.  Into a world that bears no resemblance to the world they have just left.

I see that everyday, up here on the surface.  Lack of purpose, lack of confidence, no self esteem and more, etched on tired faces.

But that’s only a starting point.  Take the trouble to look closer and you can see glimpses of something far greater underneath.

Talk to people and suddenly their eyes light up.  A desire to change the way they see things.  A willingness to learn something different and the courage to go after their dreams.

Finally, they too find a way to break free from the chains that have enslaved their thoughts.  Each and every one as beautiful as those dragonflies that captivate me.

Next time you see a dragonfly and it opens those wonderful luminescence wings, look at all the fine lines that are part and parcel of their design.  Each line representing all the challenges that they’ve lived through to achieve freedom.

Pretty amazing creatures all round.

Inner well being

Rushing around today from one appointment to the next, I finally got to put my feet up and relax.  Some days are like that and as much I’d like it to be otherwise, some days it all gets out of hand.

Days like today are fine if I’m in a high frame of mind.  The quality of my thinking is good and I flow from one event to the next.  I radiate well being from head to foot and believe me, it’s a great place to be.

Like a pendulum swing, other days I’m in a low frame of mind.  But do I read the danger signals that warn me to step back?  To not make rash decisions or promises I’m not 100% certain I can keep!

The answers no.  I don’t always read the signs and listen for the feelings that tell me what’s going on with my thinking.   Instead, like a bull in a china shop, I rush headlong into situations that could quite easily been avoided.  My good humour disappears to be replaced with a child like wit that is normally called sarcasm.

Sarcasm.   In all honesty it’s just plain rude and there are no excuses for it.

The great thing is that nowadays my low quality of mind doesn’t hang around for as long as it used to.  It’s not so long ago that it could affect me for days on end.  What a nightmare for my nearest and dearest.

Everything changed when I realised that my well being doesn’t depend on others or circumstances outside my control.  No, the only reliable path to sustainable well being begins and ends with myself.

When I’m in a low quality of mind it’s as if I’m doing lots of pushing to see results but they’re never the results I’m aiming for.

Once I remind myself that it’s impossible to make rational decisions in that state, I’m able to let it go in the knowledge that once I return to a higher quality of mind, I can wait for the answers to present themselves from that place deep inside of me where my well being resides.

I know that everything in my life is a product of my thoughts.  My thoughts affect my feelings.  My feelings affect my well being.

Can it be as simple as that?  Yes is the answer, if you think it so.  Simple yes.  Easy no – but once you get it, life becomes a lot easier to deal with.

Want to learn more?  Take a look at Sydney Banks (http://www NULL.sydneybanks NULL.org/) work on the 3 Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought, or read one of his books (http://www NULL.sydneybanks NULL.org/publications NULL.html).  You may just find something that interests you.

 

How does starting something new work for you?

Are you a fan of the Myers Briggs (http://www NULL.myersbriggs NULL.org/) type of personality test?  I know that a lot of people are and that it helps them to understand why certain tasks don’t light any motivational fires underneath them.

I don’t have any argument with this, as anything that helps build self confidence or self esteem has to be a winner.

But I would suggest that there is another side to these personality tests that doesn’t always bode well.

Talking with a friend, she was congratulating me on the completion of a children’s book that I recently finished.  (Getting it out there and published will be a whole new chapter in itself!)

I shared that I had actually dreamed about it and was driven to get it down on paper before I lost the plot!  I had the incentive of wanting to share it with my grandchildren, so motivation was high.

I can honestly say that once I had got past my limitations of not believing I was capable, it wrote itself very nicely.  Add into the mix a friend, who in his own words ‘hadn’t enjoyed doing something so much in years’, and I also have some amazing illustrations to put with it.

Here’s the thing.  I’ve never, ever come out as a person who was capable of starting anything new in any of the personality type tests that are out there.

Over the years I’ve had to complete quite a few for the positions I’ve held. I’ve always come across as a follower, rather than a leader.  Someone who would be marvellous to have on your side, but not at the front coming up with the ideas.

Consequently in those various positions, any advances up the ladder were made by diligence, rather than ‘look at me, I’m here and you’d better not forget it’ type of pushing myself forward.

It’s a life time ago but the results of those tests lingered.

The truth is, no matter how ‘accurate’ the findings, the one result that stuck with me was the limiting belief I acquired ‘I’m not a starter.’

What utter rubbish.

There isn’t one person alive today who isn’t capable of starting something new.

Even if that person doesn’t know it, every step of their life is littered with new beginnings.  New starts that might take them on adventures where they learned new stuff and grew in ways that brought them to who they are today.

A lot of people get their results of the tests they have taken and take on board what they see as ‘all the negative bits’, because that’s where they need to be most aware in dealings at work, or just about anywhere.

I say again – what utter rubbish.

Personality tests do not tell you who you are – the only thing that defines you is your thoughts.

When you know and believe that statement for the absolute truth, I can promise you that you will have liberated yourself forever.

If that isn’t a big high five for your well being, I don’t know what is.  Think and be free – does it get any easier?

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