Don’t want to!

I have new neighbours who have a 2 year old named Frankie.  Angelic face with true blond curls he looks like an advertisers dream.  He is very cute apart from one thing.  He screams a lot to get attention.

The screaming is often accompanied by him shouting ‘don’t want to.’  I’m guessing that the terrible twos have hit next door.  How long before ‘super nanny’ turns up!

It got me thinking as I heard ‘I don’t want to’ getting louder and louder overriding the barking dogs that were trying their best to compete.

It would appear as if the negative conditioning that dominates so many peoples lives starts in the cradle.  Why does Frankie has such a clear idea of everything he doesn’t want or doesn’t want to do?

Why isn’t he screaming for what he’d like to do or what he really wants?

How much importance is placed on the word ‘no’ when teaching babies the rights and wrongs of life as we know it?

Pain or pleasure.  Carrot or stick.  Teaching babies tends to be a follow up of how we were taught when we were little.  After all nobody actually teaches you how to be a parent do they?

Sure there’s lots of parenting classes around these days and TV’s Super Nanny is a prime example of learning new parenting skills.  But are those new skills based on what they grew up with where wrong versus right and no versus yes dominates.

Here’s what happens next.

Over those toddler, childhood years the habit of reacting to ‘no’ becomes stronger and stronger.  Why?  Because when being taught it’s always a much stronger reaction to the negative than to the positive.  This means that the subconscious mind gives it a higher priority to be responded to.

Naughty step, light smacking, raised voices all seem to be associated with no.  The other person winning even if it is for your own good.

A bad habit that is grown from a very early age.

Think about it.

Carrot and stick.  To make life easier all round a lot of training involves ‘if you do this, you’ll get that’ and so those very sharp little minds learn that by screaming and making life hellish then their likely to get a reward to stop.

Or if they make enough fuss about something that they don’t want to do then maybe, just maybe they’ll be offered something nice to distract them.  Pain followed by pleasure.

Can you see the patterns?  I challenge you to deny that you haven’t resonated with some of them.

Heres’ the thing.  These patterns, these bad habits stay with you into adulthood and most of you don’t even know you’re using them.

Sure it changes from all out screaming and stamping of feet although I could name a few who still use that method – it still gets them the results they want even if they’re no happier for it.

Most though as they get older learn to tweak ‘don’t want to’ with more subtle ways to get the outcomes that they want.  But whatever method is used they all have one thing in common.

They’re based on getting results from a negative perspective.  Knowing all the things that are not wanted, or the things they don’t want to do.

But not knowing any other way of getting the things they do want or do want to do.

How do you know if it’s coming from that negative perspective?  If it feels heavy when you’re saying or doing it then theres’ a good chance it’s coming from the negative as it will always feel heavier.  Part of you knows that it’s not the best way to go forward.

Simply by asking yourself ‘where did this come from?’ actually releases it to it’s point of origin.  You’ll know because you’ll feel lighter.  The truth always feels lighter.

Over time you’ll feel a lightness of being that is your true state of being.  Your happiness and well being depend on you discovering that lightness – and that’s something we all want.  How does it get any better than that!