From Surrender to Acceptance

It’s the next big step isn’t it?  From Surrender to Acceptance.  I’m only just beginning to surrender so surely it’s too soon to think about acceptance.  But as night follows day, acceptance of who I Am is what comes with each small surrender of self.

When I am in the grip of not surrendering it feels like I’m powerless, as if I’m not in control.  As if I’m on the losing side of whatever battle is raging inside of me.

But, slowly and surely I’m learning to challenge myself as to why I’m resisting, instead of accepting that what’s happening is just what’s happening in the moment.

Thoughts race around my head, ‘why me’, ‘what did I do wrong’ or ‘it’s all my fault because like attracts like, therefore I must have brought this on myself’.  And so on, and so on.

Wallowing in an orgy of self blame followed by self examination.  Then I realise that wallowing feels great because it’s all about me, albeit for the wrong reasons.

Rather than continue my wallow fest, I decided to listen to a download from Panache Desai around acceptance of I am on every level of my being.  Instead of wallowing in glorious self blame he asked that I try accepting all the perceived negatives instead, all the baggage I believe I am carrying around with me.

Writing it down my negatives included:

I can be selfish, judgemental, critical, angry, thoughtless, secretive, insecure, hostile, indifferent, grumpy, rude, uncaring, cold, self satisfied and a few more besides.

Of course this is not how I am all of the time.  Just now and again as the odd trait rears it’s head.

On the plus side I am honest, caring, thoughtful, non judgemental, non critical, open, confident, kind, interested, motivated, enthusiastic with a love of life that includes a love of mankind.

The point is that I Am all of these things.  They belong to me and are part of me.  Acceptance of all of the parts of me leads to wholeness and being at peace with myself.  Loving and accepting myself exactly as I am means that I can deal with whatever life throws my way moment by moment.

Instead of wasting precious energy being angry, frustrated or indulging in self pity, I can choose instead to acknowledge it then take appropriate action to deal with it.  After all it’s not personal, just life.

My conclusion is that for me, surrender is recognising that it’s OK to be angry (or any of the other negatives) rather than fighting to be in control at all times.  To feel those emotions instead of pushing them away as they try to tell me that something isn’t right and needs dealing with.

Acceptance is listening to and acknowledging all the parts of me instead of fighting the bits I don’t like.  Accepting that life throws crap my way in the same way it throws it at others.  The truth of this will allow me to open fully to the Inner Wisdom that waits patiently to guide me through the maze of life.

What does surrender and acceptance mean to you?  I’d love to see if I have missed anything which would add to, and complete the picture of who I Am, and who You Are.